News Release: April 1, 2013 – PayReel Acquires Hostess Brands
“It’s all about extending our reach and, of course, the Twinkies!” commented PR’s top executive. “We could no longer bear the thought of weekly staff meetings without those wonderful little attitude adjusters.”
PR shares rose 1,200% on the news. In a rare consensus, industry analysts all agree the move signals a reversal in the company’s belt-tightening strategy. “This decision will certainly make them a much bigger player,” one analyst offered. When asked for an estimate of how soon the acquisition will impact company results, PR’s CFO explained, “We look forward to digesting as many of the Hostess assets as quickly as possible. We foresee only the anticipated shortage of milk as an obstacle to our explosive girth … er, growth.”
PayReel employees expressed mixed reactions to the news. “When I said we had a bunch of Ding Dongs upstairs, this isn’t what I meant!” lamented one middle manager.
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